Refreshed & Renewed

As my offseason starts to wind down, and the anticipation of a new season is coming closer. It is nice sometimes to reflect and look back on some of the things that happened. And for whatever reason this year, even more so than the last. I felt this sense of “newness”, this sense of enjoyment again.

I am not sure if all of you know this or not. But earlier this year I got released from the Texas Rangers back in April. I was crushed. I did not know if I would be playing baseball again. I worked so hard last offseason to make a push to maintain in the organization after a hard year. And I hoped to continue my dream playing baseball. But in spring training right after they sent everyone home due to the outbreak, I got the phone call. Now I know that was at the beginning of this year. But even the other night at dinner we talked about how I can still remember exactly what was going on as the phone rang. So this year, after it happened, things felt like a blur. There were days that went by where I did not feel like me. I felt lost. But after a lot of looking in the mirror and some amazing conversations with my girlfriend, my family, my friends, my teammates, and people who reached out to check on me. I was able to find something in myself that allowed me to put things in perspective. Baseball is what I do, it is not who I am. Baseball, the preparation, and daily focus to throw myself everyday into training has been something I did for years. For those of you that have been around me, you would even laugh at me for my alarms during the day to remind me to workout, and to eat. Things I did beyond that did not have the same meaning to me because I lost my focus. And what made it worse, was that inside my own mind, my goals were unclear. My ability to deal with failure was not where it should be. And to top it all off, I forgot my “why”.

But this year was different. This year after something that seemingly tore me down. Turned out to be one of the biggest blessings I could have received.I feel like I am myself again. I feel like I was able to break that idea of - Baseball is who and what I am. Life is fun again. Failure is a learning experience. And I am someone who IS enough. I fought my own mind for many years. I mean I don’t like to admit it but when I was playing baseball - my own internal struggle was sometimes so great I did not want to play some days. I wrestled with telling myself that I was not going to amount to anything, that I was not good enough to play here, and that there were days I did not belong there. Yet in the midst of the what could have been my darkest part of my life and career. I had people around me, and a voice inside me that I have not heard before. It was God reminding me that I AM enough, and I AM worth it, and I AM respected and valued. Baseball is what I do, and not who I am. I needed to hit the refresh button on my thinking. And when I hit that button, all things started to change for the better. I am able to enjoy the little things again. I enjoy the times when I can go out with friends and see my family, and even go out for date nights with my girlfriend - without thinking I was going to jeopardize my training schedule. I enjoy the training so much more now and set goals along the way to keep me pushing. I have a new perspective about my career and what my “why” is. This refresh has allowed me to see that this new season, this new part of my life, is going to be the best parts yet. This new idea in my head about hitting the refresh button is something new to me. But it is definitely something that has allowed me to enjoy things again. I would even say that with undeniable confidence that I know I can trust in God’s plan for my life and know that whatever is in store for me, I do not need to worry. So what is it in your life that you need to feel renewed about? What do you want or even need to hit the refresh button for?

I know for many of us, this is really hard to do. For me it felt impossible at times to think that things were going to get better. It felt impossible for me at times to think how I was going to get out of that mindset. But here I am. I AM enough, I AM so much more than a game. I AM renewed. It’s your turn.